Joke Of The Day

He's a gross ignoramus: 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

In one room the curtains were drawn. The rest of the furniture was real.

8 vowels, 11 consonants, an exclamation mark and a comma appeared in court yesterday. They are due to be sentenced next week.

What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
The jeweler sells watches and the jailer watches cells.

I need to get in shape. If I were murdered, my chalk outline would be a circle!

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

If we meet offline and you look nothing like your pictures, you're buying me drinks until you do!

When I was young I was afraid of the dark. Now that I see my electric bills, I'm afraid of the light!

People who cough incessantly never seem to go to the doctor, they go to banquets, movies, concerts, and church.

Can February March?
I don't know, but April May.

What is the favorite music of Irish teenagers?
Sham Rock

Why do milking stools only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder!

How do they figure out the price of hammers?
By the pound.

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

The royal family moved into my neighborhood. They live Tudors down.

Library rules regarding personal hygiene are a matter of lore and odor.

OK, that's two "Math For Dummies" at $16.99 each. That'll be $52.00.

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating?

If nobody likes your selfie, what is the value of the self?

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